Revelations and epiphanies...

ok, so i went to the doctor yesterday.... but i couldnt see the doctor.
because of a bunch of things i do NOT feel like typing out
but basiclly, i didnt see ANY doctor....

so, in my new mindset. i took it as a sign. que cera, cera.
it just wasnt meant to be.

im not sure if you can mis two spiritual ideas together... but at this moment that is what i think i have done.

i belive in god but i also beleive in fate...i belive god controls fate.

basically. i as a human. cannot control ANYTHING. so whatever happens. what meant to be. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS!

i just have to keep telling myself. it is for the greater good.

so Que cera cera!

and i am better for it.

i am not adrresing my "issues" with/about god.
i am just pushing them away until they dissaper.

it is not my job to understand god or make sense of things.


i just have to pray until i a conformed.

if the joke ends up being on me.... that is still cool.
i am better for it.

Yesterday my sanity SAYED in tact. i had a low moment but it was really just that.
a low moment.


i cant listen to jimmy needham for a while.... He-His music is a trigger....

but i CANNOT wait to tell him about my healing.

oneday SOME DAY!

i will be healed. delivered and set right!

ONE DAY! SOMEDAY! doors will open for ME!

and i will KNOW i am doing EXACTLY what god wants me to do!!

opneday! SOMEDAY! things will change!

and i can look back and say IT WAS ALL WORTH IT!!!



hopefully, that day is VERY SOON!