i dont do well with permanent decisions....that is why i am so reluctant to end my life....

i cant like, undo it....

i HOPE WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING that this trip to the doctors office will shed some light...
mayb i need to figure out whats going on physically and psychologically before god can set me on my path.

mayb i have like a tumor or something...

idk i HOPE it's something that can be explained.

i hope that i canget an APPOINTMENT with NO CHARGE.

i am so SCRAED to hope because i cant stand being shut down. YET AGAIN.