im out.. not COMPLETELY recoverd and/delivered... but depression is a thing of the past.
i NEVER wanna go back.
i am SO TERIFIED of going back that i am SCARED pissless to make a mistake...
i KNOW in my head that God is not gonna do me like that,
but in my heart, im not quite sure.

honestly i am RIGHT back were i was in 08... fresh, bushy eyed and in awe of all the things god would do for me.

i want to believe but GOODNESS, it's so hard.
i dont know what to do say think or feel. i'm scared to say wahts on my mind... esp because i knw better...

i am so conflicted.... im scared stiff.

i dont know who i am... and the idea of getting to know me scares me...

i dont know why...


i, scared who i am wont be good enough for god to use...

im scared, that the things i dislike will be the core of who i am.

im scared that being myself will.... idkk.

i feel inadequate, im scared that getting to know me will PROVE inadequacy.

basically im scared that once i discover who i am, i will just prove that im not worth it.