fit or fat...

so im sitting here....
after having what was an OKK morning...
frustraed than a mug!

my sister sent me money today... to get my hair done for the interview at hollister tomorrow....

so i txtd me "friend" and asked her if she could do my hair as a favor to me....
she asked for money(wich really isnt a problem...since she IS doing my hair....)
but the way i see it, im asking you to do my hair for a JOB interview.... i have no JOB so WTF makes you think i have money....

then i got to thinking... IF i had the money, i would GLADLY give her some...
i have NO PROBLEM with coming out f pocket for ANYTHING... ESP if it helps someone i love/care about...

but then i realized... that is what is standing in my way... i have NO MONEy!
EVER!

how TF am i supposed to get in shape when i cant afford to buy food that is good for me...
see what i mean!?

i give and give and give and give.
and never ever ever recieve!

i don Give to Recive, but if im always giving and never recieving HOW THEN can i keep giving!!

the bible says: be faithful with little and i will make you ruler over many(or something like that)

so why then if im always GIVING MY MONEY to people whi NEED it, returning tithes... giving a liberaly offering AM I ALWAYS BROKE AND IN NEED!!


it's not like i give so i get get a bunch of stuff. NO. but i give and am left empty handed, if i didnt enjoy the feeling of giving i would have STOPPED along time ago... hoarded every single thing i had and stacked my loot....

but no...
i cant!
im not programmed that way.

i feel trapped...

i feel abandoned...

i feel taken advantage of...

IF I AM ALWAYS pouring into someone else, who then is pouring into me!?

after a while, i have nothing to pour into others...

so now ontop of feeling like those things ^^

i feel useless.

i feel worthless...

i feel hopeless...

i feel helpless...

this is my life....

the anti.midas.
everything i touch turns to crap.

its time i just get used to it.